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Name: Jostlen
Birthday: 4/28/1987
Gender: Female


Interests: Obsessing over the following: Sports - Swimming, hockey, football; Music - Less Than Jake, Warped Tour, and just music in general
Expertise: Hahahaha - making fun of you, there's my expertise
Occupation: Executive
Industry: Construction


Message: message me


Member Since: 9/24/2002

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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Finished Seals, finished swimming lessons, finished exams - the latter which made me feel akin to "ripping my intestines out through my own asshole."  The strangest things inspire me.  Just the meet tomorrow, & I guess teen swim tomorrow night, then there's other things to do.

http://matadortrips.com/photo-essay-big-cities-under-snow/

http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/archives/001846.html

Completion Ritual for 2009*

like_kiss_700.jpg
It Felt Like a Kiss, SF, Canon Digital Rebel XSi

The new year is always an exciting time for me. I love wiping the slate clean, buying a new calendar and beginning again. It is also a ripe time for ritual, so if you you would like to join me in one now, I would like to invite you to be part of a Mondo Beyondo exercise for 2009.

The surest way to start fresh and move forward is to be at peace with what came before. You might have had an incredible year, a dull year, or a truly difficult year. Whatever happened, your aim is to celebrate what there is to celebrate about it and grieve what there is to grieve...

My challenge for you is to answer the following questions and declare 2009 complete. Rituals can be even more powerful when others can witness you. You are welcome to do this exercise privately, but I suggest sharing with a friend and/or posting your lists here. You are in good, safe company. (Feel free to post anonymously)

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2009?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

2. What is there to grieve about 2009?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

Okay, the next step is to say out loud, "I declare 2009 complete!" How do you feel? If you don't feel quite right, there might be one more thing to say...

The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2009? Is it the year of joy? the year of self-care? the year of partnership? Stand up and say it proud, "2009 is my year of...."


Thursday, December 17, 2009

At least Arabic isn't the hardest laguage I've tried to learn.

Going to get as many progress reports as possible done in 20 minutes.

Then more studying.


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Life is beautiful tonight.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/12/2009_in_photos_part_1_of_3.html

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/12/2009_in_photos_part_2_of_3.html

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/12/2009_in_photos_part_3_of_3.html

All the indicators of my stress can be traced back to one element.

At some point in the last week, Edmonton was the second coldest place on Earth with a temperature of -70C with windchill.

Resume life in T-21 hours.

, should have been named rock'n'roll.


The house is warm.  I go to check if someone left the oven on.  Somebody's been baking cookies.  I have frost on my eyelashes but I am warm.  The dog is locked in my dad's room.  Nobody know's I'm here.  Everyone's asleep.

My gramma has this quiet way of talking about things she's passionate about.  It has to be drawn out of her.  I have quietly been learning the art of conversation.  Ask questions.  Prod & probe, gently.  She has had quite the experiences & isn't done living yet.  I like the way her family brings light to her eyes.

My buddy Kev has good intentions abroad, but generally doesn't know where he's going & gets really drunk sometimes.  He always apologizes after talking to me, just in case.  I've decided I'd be wise to stop asking what he's gonna do & ask what he's done.  I'll be very lucky if he remembers though.  His drunk advice is "Fuck work!  What about life!?"  My sober response is "Rich advice coming from a guy with one of the most demanding jobs in the world."  Another classic is "They wouldn't fire you."  "Why not?"  "They couldn't find someone stupid enough to fill your position."  He bribed the police chief not to arrest him in the UAE with cigars today.  This is mostly due to the amount of gin he drank yesterday.  This is my brother.

Chad has this way of letting words fall from his mouth.  He laughs honestly at the jokes, with light jabs in between.  He calls people as he sees them, without a word of a lie.  He doesn't have to put up a front, but can hold back if it suits him.

Eddie on the other hand, makes me furious in that way that forces me to clam up.  I can't handle him.  Rascist prick.  One summer was enough, I don't know if I could do it again.  Every time he talks to me it's right where he left off, which could be why I'm so cold instead of warm to his charm.  He doesn't take the time.  & pushes too far, the bastard.  He dominates the air in the room, like my brother.  He sets the tone with his mood.

I like talking with Vanessa because she is an expert at critical analysis.  She could have been a very good sociologist, but is lucky she knew a 5yr BA with a Theatre major will get more than a 5yr BA with a Soc major.  She thinks of things a little differently, from a different angle.  But somehow refuses to see Invictus with me, despite my subtle hints.

Traps & all.  I was the only one that could hear the scritching in the theatre.  We both put out legs up & picked our shit off the ground.  I am always at the ready, with a flashlight in my bag.  Sounds like a mouse, or a squirrel?  Maybe even bugs.  I thought of making a big scene if I saw something.  At Bubbles O'Reilly's in Uganda I saw a big mouse at the bar & thought of telling Janelle just to freak her out.  I didn't tell anyone else.  In fact, I don't know if I ever told anyone about it..

Movies about makng your dreams make me cry.  Yeah, I cried.  Really unneccessarily.  I want to know what this innate feeling is that makes me well up.

My dad is increasingly helpful, offering wherever he can get a hand in.  Drove my brother & I home from work Monday night, all the while reminding us how helpful he is.  Drove Al to curling, and came to pick up gramma at the airport.  We decorated the tree finally Monday night.  After long hours of procrastinating, and telling people on the phone exactly that, we had enough time cause the plane was delayed.  Little flashy lights & cheesy decor.  He tells me all the time he's here for me if there's anything I want to tell him.  But there's always so much.

After Thursday I'm going to reorganize my life.  Switching rooms somehow.  Baking or cooking with the grammas, volunteering downtown in Jan.  Get a colour scheme in order.  When I get some christmas money I am fucking buying cymbals.  I want to go for what I want as usual.

I have alot to do in the meantime.  I was practicing arabic vocabulary on the bus, above the teasing from all my coworkers that I want to be a terrorist.  Did I bring this on myself?  I stopped to look at christmas decorations that brought me out of myself.  Just to enjoy the ride home.  Type type type in the dark with Crooked Brothers in my head.  During the movie I made a txt draft and saved it to my phone:

Everybody has a soundtrack.  Everyday that makes you smile or laugh or be quiet or freak out or cry.  Let's find out together.  Here's mine

I need to take a closer look and recognize some things that are important to me.  The music in my blood gives me adrenaline.  I need a new mp3 player.  My life is nothing but frames without the soundtrack.

Tonight, someone who made life hell in middle school & one of my most revered musicians were at my work at the same time.

Invictus gives me chills.  I really want to go see it.  Nay, I must see it.  I want to feel it's glow on my face, and sit between people who can feel the glow as well.  But not against the wall next time.

Today was a day of intentions but different results.  The kind you recognize & smirk despite your ruined plans.  Ty & I had a great night last night.  Nay, amazing.  There is a difference, we've concluded.  Sometimes we need to just catch up.  Last night was one of those nights when all is well.  I was really looking forward to sleeping in with him, & it was just as good as I thought it would be.  Mmmm sheets & warm.  And cookies on the stove...

Enough with words and technical theses, let’s grab life by the throat and live it to pieces.”


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Is it the weekend?  I guess so.  I am pretty tired.

Friday had V's christmas party.  Can't remember what I did all day though...  Maybe I'll think of it.  Had cake, talked with some of Steve's friends, & slept in EK.

Bus to work & work alllll day.  8:30 till past 5:30 - Steph gave in to overtime cause not everybody was out of the pool on time.  Movie Village to drop off some oldies & came home to sit here awhile.  I think?  I watched SNL a bit, then conceded to sleep knowing it'd be early today.

Ty dropped by in the middle of the night.  Lovely!  I was still awake trying to sleep when he came in.  Too bad I had to take a cab to Pan Am for an early warmup time.  Dropped him off on the way.  Plus then my credit card didn't work & my debit card didn't work.  Stupid.  My kids did great however!  All weekend I think there was only one swim that wasn't a best time, & 2 DQs.  Both on backstroke turns.  Did splits for Emma in exchange for a ride home, then immediately hopped in the car with Karli to go to Mongo's.  When I hear other people excited about travelling it makes me want to take advantage.  "You want to travel too!?  Pick a place - let's go!"  Great show with Kara!  Sounded good to my ears & my soul.  Back home for leftovers & Vertigo.

Feeling out of sorts at the moment.  I need to get off facebook and into bed.  Lots of things this week.  Picking up gramma tomorrow, CKUW christmas Wednesday, 2 exams Thursday, Crooked Brothers Sunday.  Hmm.

Plus Hitchcock doesn't do me any good.  I need some music.

Postsecret make me feel bettr today.  We are all the same.

, Coward.



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